Stress or Relief?

Okay, I cry when I'm stressed.

So I went to my oncologist (gynecologic oncologist to be specific) this morning expecting the wait to be horrendous as usual on Mondays, and I was not disappointed. Almost two hours later, two hours of reading through boring magazines in a room full of women either worrying they have cancer, dealing with the treatments or waiting impatiently to check to make sure they don't have a recurrence, the nurse finally calls my name.

Then, what do you know, my blood pressure was way up--go figure! And, the nurse gave me a look when I gave her a description of some pain I had been having--like, wow, this could be a totally new cancer! My mind started to go places it hadn't been since October when I was first diagnosed. "Lord, please let it be nothing!" I was going over in my mind. Just the stress of waiting in the "waiting room" for the doctor to do a quick once-over brought me to the point of tears even before he entered the room, but I so graciously staved them off. So, when it came to the exam and the questions, I couldn't stop them anymore--even when the doctor said, "well, I think you're cured---let's just chalk this one up as cured," it seemed that it really didn't matter. (Well, for me, I KNEW I was already cured, but it still didn't keep the nerves from tying themselves up in knots...or...could it have possibly have been tears of relief? No, not tears of relief, but tears TO relieve. However, there is a certain relief when you get through the doctor's appointment and there is no new list of things to test for or have treatment for--I won't deny that!

For those of you keeping up with my progress: I've been through 6 months of having an HCG level of <2, so I don't have to get another blood test until August! Hooray!

And...I'm starting to get used to the hair. Maybe one of these days I'll post a new picture so that you can recognize me. ;)